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Thursday, September 8, 2011

Ever walk into your doctor's office, check-in, sit down and then pick up a magazine that you've never seen before?  And I'm not referring to "HIGHLIGHTS", the magazine for kids that only exists in doctors offices...I'm talking a magazine that makes you believe that it was made exclusively for your doctor.

One of my doctor's subscribes to a monthly magazine featuring only $1,000,000+ yachts. First thought--"how many readers can this magazine have?" Second thought--"how are there enough boats over that price to write about every month?" Third thought--"I'd better digest this information while I have the chance! This is an entire magazine about million-dollar yachts!"

The fact is that if I have nothing to do and there is a magazine in front of me, I may not read it--but I will absolutely pick it up and look at the pictures. 

Normally, that's fine.  The only magazine on my coffee table (under normal circumstances) is a TV Guide from March of 1987 that I place there to see if people will actually pick it up to figure out what time they can watch ALF.

But this normally hilariously sanctified space has been invaded by a bevy of thick, ad-laden magazines that could strike fear into any man:
Bridal magazines.

Within their 485 pages, you'll find 212 wedding dresses, 23 honeymoon destinations that Oprah couldn't afford and at least 44 adorable ways to decorate a place-setting.

For a man more-focused on important things like Office reruns, video games and Cheez-Its, these would just act as giant coasters, but as we've established--if there is a magazine in front of me, I'll look at it.  So now I'm finding myself with an opinion on color schemes, bridesmaids dresses, Save The Date cards and flower arrangements.

Excuse me while I punch myself in the crotch for the next eleven minutes.

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