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Monday, September 19, 2011

Saturday was my Gettysburg.



A battle of attrition, where on the surface everyone should love one another, but in reality, it is a bloody battle to see who can die slower.

That's right--Saturday we looked at five wedding venues in a single day. 

Five.

I know many of you have never had the pleasure of visiting a wedding venue, but that is really beside the point.  How many things can you do five times in a day and actually enjoy them?

Well yeah...there's that.  But other than that.


Five appointments.

-Five times asking "So this 'all-inclusive package' doesn't include ____?"
-Five times looking at a completely blank conference room, hearing your tour guide say, "Isn't this a great space?" and resisting the urge to say, "It is four blank walls with a carpet that looks like ceiling if the Sistine Chapel if it were painted by blind four-year-olds."
-Five times listening to someone who got married in a Kansas City courthouse tell you that $7.50 is a completely appropriate price for a Bud Light.

All told it was a productive trip.  Two great sites. Two good sites that just don't fit. And one site where we resisted the urge to urinate on the desk of their wedding coordinator. 

No need to bash one site or rave about another, because we haven't exactly put together a legal team here on this unpaid blogging site...but there is a rare opportunity to contrast men and women, as it became abundantly clear to me that my future bride and I were looking at these venues through dramatically differently-shaded lenses.

Here are a few examples:

What she saw:
A blank canvas, where with the right angle of sunlight, right flower arrangements, the right lighting and right chairs, she could make the Princess of Wales blush.
What I saw:
Grass.  A bunch of grass.



What she saw:
Palm trees whose shadow would cast perfectly over an alter, giving the audience a view of sunlight and the bride the luxury of natural shade.
What I saw:
A chick at the adjacent pool who decided to tattoo an alligator on her right boob.


What she saw:
A beautiful modern spa that could be completely blocked off for the bridal party for hair styling, manicures, pedicures and spa treatments the day of the wedding.
What I saw...or rather "heard":
CHA-CHING! CHA-CHING! CHA-CHING!



What she saw:
A menu that "looks good."
What I saw:
A menu that for some reason asks you to pay 40% more for apps, salad and dinner than you would if you bought them individually.


What she saw:
Mimosas and Key Lime Pie tarts to greet us to begin our tour of the facility.
What I saw:
A wedding coordinator who knew exactly how to butter-up the person who wears the pants in our relationship.

What she saw:
An unattractive bridal suite in an otherwise beautiful resort.
What I saw:
An unattractive bridal suite in an otherwise beautiful resort. That thing was hideous.

What she saw:
A dining area that could really "pop" with white lights running zig-zag across the space.
What I saw:
Nebraska take advantage of a BS call to take a commanding lead over my beloved University of Washington Husky football team.



What she saw:
A beautiful ficus.
What I saw:
A great place for my friend Ryan to puke up twelve $7.50 Bud Lights.


Did we find a place? Maybe.

Do I expect to have another marathon of site viewings before this thing is over? Yes.

Will I go through with it out of the fear of what might happen to me if I don't?  Absolutely.



This blog is my personal voice in the wedding planning process...but is by no means meant to be private. If you enjoyed it, don't be afraid to press the "SHARE" button on the facebook link, or the "RETWEET" button on the twitter link...or just forward it on to your friends and family.
And if you didn't like it, you are clearly a black-hearted social devient with no taste. (But share it anyway, I need the readers.)

Thanks for reading,

The Groom

1 comment:

  1. Well at least the woman's boob tattoo was an alligator, and not a cheap knock off tiger.

    ReplyDelete